Biohazardous Materials Sheet
(Chemical Analysis)

Subject: Man
Symbol: OHNO
Discoverer: Unknown (no-one has yet claimed responsibility)
Atomic Mass: Immeasurably dense at times

Occurrences: Never usually found when needed; more common in untended areas; have a tendency to cluster at sports grounds and in pubs

Materials Safety Data

Physical Properties:
- apparently strong, but many specimens have proved unstable under stress

Chemical Properties:
- forms strong bonds with others of its type when in the presence of alcohol
- incompatible with soap and water and most other cleaning agents
- in the absence of gold, silver or brass, shows great affinity with heaps of low grade metals such as old cars and motorbikes
- when exposed to heavy metal may produce inexplicable sound and movement
- is capable of absorbing large quantities of alcohol without apparent effect, until supersaturation point is reached which results in metamorphosis into inert state
- reacts with alcohol to give off hot air at one end and methane gas at the other
- unpredictable hardening of parts in presence of woman (ArgH) is seldom of sufficient duration to be of use

Common Uses:
- as yet unobserved

Tests:
- real specimens can be identified by their inability to consume quiche - can be used to test patience of woman (ArgH)

Hazards:
- illegal to possess more than one, although this does not usually prove a problem as no one in their right mind would want to.