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| Biohazardous Materials Sheet - (Chemical Analysis) - Man |
Anon  |
| Subject: Man Symbol: OHNO Discoverer: Unknown (no-one has yet claimed responsibility) Atomic Mass: Immeasurably dense at times Occurrences: Never usually found when needed; more common in untended areas; have a tendency to cluster at sports grounds and in pubs Materials Safety Data Physical Properties: - apparently strong, but many specimens have proved unstable under stress Chemical Properties: - forms strong bonds with others of its type when in the presence of alcohol - incompatible with soap and water and most other cleaning agents - in the absence of gold, silver or brass, shows great affinity with heaps of low grade metals such as old cars and motorbikes - when exposed to heavy metal may produce inexplicable sound and movement - is capable of absorbing large quantities of alcohol without apparent effect, until supersaturation point is reached which results in metamorphosis into inert state - reacts with alcohol to give off hot air at one end and methane gas at the other - unpredictable hardening of parts in presence of woman (ArgH) is seldom of sufficient duration to be of use Common Uses: - as yet unobserved Tests: - real specimens can be identified by their inability to consume quiche - can be used to test patience of woman (ArgH) Hazards: - illegal to possess more than one, although this does not usually prove a problem as no one in their right mind would want to. |
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